It turns out, even a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away the biggest burning question is: who’s your baby daddy? Luke and Leia Kissed and it turns out they are brother and sister. Han Solo *spoiler alert* (until his death) must have spent a tremendous amount (way more than 12 Parsecs) gargling the galaxies strongest mouthwash right after scrubbing his mouth and tongue with a wire brush after learning this news (yuck!).
Lonely nerds (like myself) everywhere became unwitting participants in a interstellar version of Maury when David Prowse shook his fist in the Darth Vader costume and then later James Earl Jones provided the voiced over bomb shell: “Luke.. I am your Father”. Nerd central exploded into a bazillion pieces making the Death Star explosion look like a small fire cracker. The previously mentioned nerds already had a lot on their plate, their voices and bodies were changing, there was a mid term calculus exam was next week, and there was a rumor in the magazine Starlog (RIP Starlog) that ABC was going to cancel Wonder Woman.
Fast forward 3 bleeping years to May 25, 1983, George Lucas had the nerds against the ropes and he it turns out he was not finished messing with our heads. The Hee-Haw (google it folks), Dukes of hazard, mullet wearing inbred Deliverance shenanigans continued to take place (really George?.. really??) when during “Return Of The Jedi” both Luke and Leia realize that their Dad is a really big jerk, likes to wear black leather, and they both now have a kiss that is soooooo awkwardly too long for siblings to try to forget (good luck with that).
Now its Rey’s turn. The internet is chock full of rumors, innuendos, pie charts, graphs, pictographs, and algorithms of who exactly Rey’s father might be. I personally believe Doctor Peppers new mascot “The sweet one” looks like Prince and Captain Jack Sparrow had a baby but then what do I know?